I'm Back.....for now

So the last time I posted to Simply Sabrina was way back in January of  2015.  Well its a year later and I'm finally ready to start blogging again.  I was going to write a post about making butter at home but since its been a year I thought I would up date you guys on what I've been up to the last 365 plus days. 

So last you heard from me I was posting pictures of myself commenting on my weight and basically telling all of you what I was going to do to lose said weight.  As you can imagine I've done none of those things that I said I was going to do.  Why??? Because its me and I always tell myself that I'm going to do this that and the other thing to move myself in the direction that I want to go.  But then something happens like maybe it rains the day I'm suppose to start walking.  Well I can't walk in the rain ;) so I don't and I put it off  and a day became a week and the week turns into a month and before I know it, its June and I weigh more then I did in January.  So there's my dirty little secret, I'm a huge procrastinator.


So now its June the girls want to go to the pool and I'm just dreading, absolutely dreading putting a bathing suite  on because I know I've done jack over the last 6 months except eat everything I told myself that I wasn't going to eat and now I have like 2 weeks to lose 100 plus pounds.  So like the good dieter I am I go on a crazy crash diet and I manage to last a whole week.  Granted I'm hangry and acting like a total loon but its all worth it because its weigh in day an I know, I just know that when I get on that scale its going to tell me that I've lost 50 pounds and life will be good.  Only I get on the scale and I've lost nothing, not  even an oz.  So now I'm stating there stark naked, hangry as heck and all I want to do is through the stupid scale across the room, but I don't because then I would just have to buy a new one to torture myself with.  So eat instead, not anything that is on the crazy diet that I'm following but everything I can get my hands on, things I don't even like.  I bet you can guess what happens next, that's right I crash and cry and blubber to my husband  how I followed the diet and it didn't work and I just don't know what I'm going to do because I can't possibly go out in public in a bathing suite.
Well in the end I got a faltering one piece suite with a skirt bottom and I wore it like a badge of honor every single day just do my girls could go to the pool and hang out with their friends and have fun. I have to admit that I had fun to once I stopped worrying about what I looked like and loosen up.

Another 6 months go by and it's December and I start thinking about what changes I can make in the New Year that I can actually live with.  No crazy diets or workout plans just simple changes that I can make to start felling better and living the kind of life that I want to live. 
Change one I decided that I wanted to try and eat a mostly plant based diet, so I started cutting meat out of diet a meal at a time until we were eating meatless 6 days a weeks.  Now 4 months later we enjoy meat when we go out for a nice meal.  Its been fun coming up with vegetable based meals that the whole family will like.  
Change two the quality of food that we are eating.  My husband as been on me to start buying organic for years but I kept insisting that wouldn't be able to afford it.  Wrong I was just being lazy and didn't do any research in the subject.  My husband being my husband finally said I think we should a service like door to door organics.  Door to door is a company that delivers fresh organic foods to your door once a week.  You go on the webpage and pick a box and then from there substitute things you don't like for things that you do like. Since we eat a mostly vegetable and fruit based diet this not only helps me stick to that way of life but it cuts down on time I have to spend in the store food shopping. 
Change three I stared making things like bread, and butter and even drying fruit for snacks.  This way I can control what goes into our food and hopefully this keeps up happy and healthy.
Change four has been a more recent change.  I started doing the C25K program because I've been telling people and various family members for years that I'm going  to run a 5K.  I'll be starting week 3 on Saturday and I have to say I'm really enjoying it so far and I'm confident that I will finish the program this time around. 

So it's April now and I've been doing those things pretty consistently and as a result I've lost 
20lbs.  I have a butt load more to lose but I'm happy that I've come thins far.

Things in my world are looking up and I can't wait to see where I'm at come June

Birthday

Today is my birthday and for my birthday I thought I would share a picture that was taken on New Years day.  I knew I'm over and I don't look that great but I didn't realize just how big I am until I saw this picture.  I looked at that picture and thought " wow Sabrina, just wow"  I can't even began to tell you how I left myself get this far oh wait I think I can.... but I wont because it doesn't matter.  All that matter is that I'm ready to make the change and get the weight off. 

It starts tomorrow

It's starts tomorrow... My diet or wait no my "lifestyle" change. Apparently if you think of it as a change in lifestyle you are more likely to stick with it and really make the changes.  I have some big changes to make and more then a few lbs to lose.  

Let the fun begin. 

She broke my Heart

That's what I over heard my 5yr old daughter sobbing into her pillow tonight as my husband tucked her into bed.  I stood in her door way stunned at what I was hearing, I listened as she recounted to him how I took a penny for her tonight for throwing a temper fit and how she thought that it was unfair because her sister didn't lose one.  Before I knew it, I was laying in bed with her ready to defend my parenting to my crying 5yr when I realized I was wrong.  Not for disciplining her but for making her feel like I favored her sister over her.  Maybe it's true that as a parent I put more pressure on her to "act her age" or to be the well behaved " big sister". I never realized it before tonight that I was treating her differently then her younger counter part.  I can sit her an say that I don't favor one over then other and that I love them equally, but to my 5yr old my words and my actions say something very differently.   After apologizing to her for making her feel like she was less to me then her sister I started thinking about the changes I need to make with in myself to be a better mom.  The changes she needs me to make so that we can move forward and have a healthy mother daughter relationship and a happy healthy family. 

I'm not the perfect parent and I will go to bed tonight a little sad and a little ashamed that I hurt my child so emotionally that she felt unloved but I will wake in the morning ready to prove to her that she is loved and she is equal in my eyes and in my heart.

Making the most of 2015

2014 was a rough year for my family and I.  It seemed like everyday was a struggle, I was (am) unhappy in every way,  we had some financial difficulties that put a lot of strain on our marriage but most of all I felt like my girls weren't getting the best version of their mother.  That they were getting some pod person that I didn't even recognize or care for; for that matter. Over the past few weeks as many people do I started to reflect on the past year and everything that had happened.  The struggles, the fights and my short comings as a wife and mother. So instead of making  a New Years resolution I decided to make a list of things that I waned to change to try and find myself again. 

Try to turn my lemons into lemonade.  I know that's corny but I'm always so down and out about everything.  So this year I want to try and be more optimistic.
Move myself and my health a few spots up on the list of my priorities. I take care of kids and a dog and make sure my husband has everything he needs that sometimes I forget to do things for myself like shower and drink water and take time to myself.  So this year I'm going to take some time and invest it in me. I love my family and doing that stuff for them but if I'm not here who is going to do it.

Stop yelling at my children.  I yell at them instead of talking to them like their people and I hate that about myself.

And some simple things like drink water not soda.  Try get to a zumba class a few times a month.  Cook some new exciting foods and spend more time with my husband and children as a family.

Happy New Year Sabrina, leave all the crap in 2014 and make the most of 2015.