Birthday

Today is my birthday and for my birthday I thought I would share a picture that was taken on New Years day.  I knew I'm over and I don't look that great but I didn't realize just how big I am until I saw this picture.  I looked at that picture and thought " wow Sabrina, just wow"  I can't even began to tell you how I left myself get this far oh wait I think I can.... but I wont because it doesn't matter.  All that matter is that I'm ready to make the change and get the weight off. 

It starts tomorrow

It's starts tomorrow... My diet or wait no my "lifestyle" change. Apparently if you think of it as a change in lifestyle you are more likely to stick with it and really make the changes.  I have some big changes to make and more then a few lbs to lose.  

Let the fun begin. 

She broke my Heart

That's what I over heard my 5yr old daughter sobbing into her pillow tonight as my husband tucked her into bed.  I stood in her door way stunned at what I was hearing, I listened as she recounted to him how I took a penny for her tonight for throwing a temper fit and how she thought that it was unfair because her sister didn't lose one.  Before I knew it, I was laying in bed with her ready to defend my parenting to my crying 5yr when I realized I was wrong.  Not for disciplining her but for making her feel like I favored her sister over her.  Maybe it's true that as a parent I put more pressure on her to "act her age" or to be the well behaved " big sister". I never realized it before tonight that I was treating her differently then her younger counter part.  I can sit her an say that I don't favor one over then other and that I love them equally, but to my 5yr old my words and my actions say something very differently.   After apologizing to her for making her feel like she was less to me then her sister I started thinking about the changes I need to make with in myself to be a better mom.  The changes she needs me to make so that we can move forward and have a healthy mother daughter relationship and a happy healthy family. 

I'm not the perfect parent and I will go to bed tonight a little sad and a little ashamed that I hurt my child so emotionally that she felt unloved but I will wake in the morning ready to prove to her that she is loved and she is equal in my eyes and in my heart.

Making the most of 2015

2014 was a rough year for my family and I.  It seemed like everyday was a struggle, I was (am) unhappy in every way,  we had some financial difficulties that put a lot of strain on our marriage but most of all I felt like my girls weren't getting the best version of their mother.  That they were getting some pod person that I didn't even recognize or care for; for that matter. Over the past few weeks as many people do I started to reflect on the past year and everything that had happened.  The struggles, the fights and my short comings as a wife and mother. So instead of making  a New Years resolution I decided to make a list of things that I waned to change to try and find myself again. 

Try to turn my lemons into lemonade.  I know that's corny but I'm always so down and out about everything.  So this year I want to try and be more optimistic.
Move myself and my health a few spots up on the list of my priorities. I take care of kids and a dog and make sure my husband has everything he needs that sometimes I forget to do things for myself like shower and drink water and take time to myself.  So this year I'm going to take some time and invest it in me. I love my family and doing that stuff for them but if I'm not here who is going to do it.

Stop yelling at my children.  I yell at them instead of talking to them like their people and I hate that about myself.

And some simple things like drink water not soda.  Try get to a zumba class a few times a month.  Cook some new exciting foods and spend more time with my husband and children as a family.

Happy New Year Sabrina, leave all the crap in 2014 and make the most of 2015.